"Sass On, Sass Off" - GoT, Basically

Things that happened in Game of Thrones Season 5, Episode 3

{Note: I decided to stray away from my regular format of blogging GoT because these bullet-style recaps seemed more natural.  I'm not big on writing [eloquent] reviews.  I like to have fun (and poke fun) and writing little blurbs seems to work best for me.}

• I can see why they cut out some characters...  There is so much going on, I almost need to take notes (and I DID).
• Jaqen H'ghar is Mr. Miyagi.  Arya is little grasshopper.  Random other girl is the "sweep the leg" kid.
• Arya loses Needle again, but she has to give it up herself in order to become a Pokemon master, or whatever.  She cries.  I cried.  It's okay, she hides it in a time capsule so she can get it later.
• I have this theory that Jaqen H'ghar is actually dead and that old man from the previous episode is just wearing his skin...  Why the hell not?  This is D&D we're talking about...
• My face during the too-old-for-you Margery/12 year-old, precious cupcake, sweetheart Tommen scene...

• Also, the screams heard around the world in reaction to this scene made it hard for me to pay attention to the dialogue between them.
• Tommen passively-aggressively tells Cersei "you can't sit with us".
• Margery aggressively tells Cersei "you can't sit with us."
• Margery aggressively calls Cersei a dinosaur.
• Margery aggressively points out Cersei's drinking problem.
• Margery aggressively tells Cersei "I'm fucking your son."
• Margery treats Cersei's life so hard for two minutes straight.  Cersei's face indicates that Margery will be dead soon...
• Cersei finds the High Sparrow - a devout old man dedicated to serving the Gods and helping the poor.  Or IS HE???  ...He is.  So he replaces the dirty-old-man High Septon.
• Qyburn is working on a Frankenstein monster.  And, oh my Seven Gods, there's a jumpscare in Game of Thrones!
• Petyr takes Sansa home, but Winterfell, is now Winterhell.  Oh...and by the way, Sansa, you have to marry Frankenstein's other monster, Ramsay Bolton.
• Petyr: "Avenge them!"  Sansa: I know The Avengers is coming out soon, but you need to chill.
• Sansa does what she does best - puttin' on dat fake charm.
• Brienne tells Pod a back-story about how she was made fun of when she was a girl, but Renly was the only boy who was nice to her (this is why she loves him).  And yes, she doesn't care that he's gay (YAASS, GURL!). 
• Jon Snow is still Jon Snow.  Davos is still Stannis' #1 fan.  This kid who is now Jon's squire is still adorable.
• Janos Slynt, a butcher's son, has now become "the butchee"; Stannis approves (I made up a word, sorry!).
• Tyrion and Yukio lock eyes.  I need more Red Priestess Yukio on this show!
• Jorah kidnaps Tyrion to take him to "the Queen" (hmmm, I wonder which qeeen?) (..it's going to be fucking Daenerys.)

The "You're Not Supposed to Be Here" Squad:

• Sam, Gilly and baby, Maester Aemon: Supposed to be on a boat to the Citadel, so Sam can become a maester. 
• Davos: LEAVE ALREADY AND GO FIND RICKON STARK!
• Varys: He's supposed to be vanished after Tywin's death, but I guess he's filling in for Illyrio...Griff...everyone else Tyrion comes in contact with in the books...
• Jaqen H'ghar: I can't complain too much because I love him, buuuuut...
• Margery's naked body in Tommen's bed: GET OUT!  YOU DON'T BELONG THERE!!!